How to handle conflict with a coworker
Handle conflict at work by talking to the coworker privately first about one specific issue and what you need, then confirming anything agreed in a short email. Keep your own dated notes. If it continues or crosses into harassment, raise it with your manager or human resources in writing, with your notes.
A coworker keeps missing handoffs and blaming the delays on you.
Why it matters: Calm, documented steps keep a work conflict from defining your job.
Steps
- Cool down and write down the specific issue and what you need.
- Ask the coworker for a private conversation.
- Describe one issue and its effect: the report came to me a day late twice, and that pushed our deadline.
- Ask for their view, and agree a practical fix.
- Send a short, friendly email confirming the agreement.
- Keep dated notes of later problems, factually.
- If it continues, or involves harassment or discrimination, raise it with your manager or human resources in writing.
Stop and call a professional if
- the conflict involves harassment, threats or discrimination: report it in writing and consider speaking to an employment lawyer
Common mistakes
- Complaining to other coworkers instead of the person.
- Escalating before trying a direct conversation, unless it is harassment.
- Keeping no record of agreements or incidents.
Teach this to someone
A one page sheet for showing a friend, a teenager or a parent: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to handle conflict with a coworker
What to say
Handle conflict at work by talking to the coworker privately first about one specific issue and what you need, then confirming anything agreed in a short email. Keep your own dated notes. If it continues or crosses into harassment, raise it with your manager or human resources in writing, with your notes.
What to show
- Cool down and write down the specific issue and what you need.
- Ask the coworker for a private conversation.
- Describe one issue and its effect: the report came to me a day late twice, and that pushed our deadline.
- Ask for their view, and agree a practical fix.
- Send a short, friendly email confirming the agreement.
- Keep dated notes of later problems, factually.
- If it continues, or involves harassment or discrimination, raise it with your manager or human resources in writing.
Where it stops
Stop and call a professional if the conflict involves harassment, threats or discrimination: report it in writing and consider speaking to an employment lawyer.
Check question
What usually comes first?
Answer: A private conversation with the coworker. Many conflicts resolve with a direct, calm talk.
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Sources
This skill is general practice and draws on no single published source.
Written in our own words from the sources above. It is general information, not advice for your situation; where a professional, your doctor or your lease says something different, follow them.
Last reviewed . First published .