Signs of coercive control
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate a partner: cutting you off from friends and family, monitoring your phone or location, controlling money, putting you down, making rules and punishing you for breaking them, or threats. It can happen without physical violence. If this sounds familiar, a domestic violence hotline can help; the US hotline answers at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
Why it matters: Naming the pattern is often the first step, and trained advocates can help.
Steps
- Contact a domestic violence hotline first; advocates help you think it through and plan safely, even if you are not sure it counts.
- Use a device, browser or phone your partner cannot check when you look for help.
- Keep a private note of incidents with dates, somewhere your partner cannot find it.
- Tell one person you trust what has been happening.
- Before changing passwords, removing apps or moving money, ask an advocate how to do it safely.
- Save the hotline number under a name that would not draw attention.
Stop and call a professional if
- you are in immediate danger: call your local emergency number, 911 in the US
- you are thinking about making changes: plan them with a domestic violence advocate first
Common mistakes
- Believing it is not abuse because there has been no physical violence.
- Making sudden changes, such as confronting the partner or removing monitoring, before planning with an advocate.
- Searching for help on a shared device.
Teach this to someone
A one page sheet for showing a friend, a teenager or a parent: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: Signs of coercive control
What to say
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate a partner: cutting you off from friends and family, monitoring your phone or location, controlling money, putting you down, making rules and punishing you for breaking them, or threats. It can happen without physical violence. If this sounds familiar, a domestic violence hotline can help; the US hotline answers at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
What to show
- Contact a domestic violence hotline first; advocates help you think it through and plan safely, even if you are not sure it counts.
- Use a device, browser or phone your partner cannot check when you look for help.
- Keep a private note of incidents with dates, somewhere your partner cannot find it.
- Tell one person you trust what has been happening.
- Before changing passwords, removing apps or moving money, ask an advocate how to do it safely.
- Save the hotline number under a name that would not draw attention.
Where it stops
Stop and call a professional if you are in immediate danger: call your local emergency number, 911 in the US.
Check question
Can coercive control happen without physical violence?
Answer: Yes. It is a pattern of control, and it can be entirely non-physical.
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Related skills
Sources
- US national domestic violence hotline guidance, 2026. Reviewed September 28, 2026.
Written in our own words from the sources above. It is general information, not advice for your situation; where a professional, your doctor or your lease says something different, follow them.
Last reviewed . First published .